Intention as Transportation

I've been riding the bus a lot lately and it's beginning to turn into more than just a means to get to work.

The route I ride has it's own set of consistant passengers. There are students, business associates and casual commuters. While I have been known to take my opportunity in the early mornings to get an extra 45 minutes or so of "sleep" on the ride in to work I've also been taking my opportunity to observe people. People who really have no choice but to sit still and wait patiently for their stop.

I'm surprised by the number of riders who aren't obsessively on their phones or sending text messages. For the most part, they seem content to sit and watch the scenary roll by and, sometimes, the sun come up as we start our day in quiet.

One particular rider chooses to take his morning opportunity to mediate. I'm fascinated by him because I know that I don't quite have the gumption to openly and publicly meditate. I also don't have all the focus necessary to mediate through the dinging of stop requests, the lurching and swaying of the bus, etc. The people may be quiet but the bus sure isn't!

It's a really beautiful way to start a morning, though. And, it's just another example of how people can adapt their busy schedules and carve out that moment in Time and Space for themselves. I'm sure that he struggles internally with all the same things that most meditators struggle with but from the exterior he looks calm and serene. He doesn't fidget, twitch or give up. He just sits up straight and enjoys the ride to work lost (I imagine) in the quiet space of his mind and the moment.

I may be over-romanticising but it certainly looks like a beautiful way to spend a morning.

What do you do to take a moment for yourself during the day? Have you found a space where you can take a breath and get caught up in the present?

I am finding that even though I don't do any sort of traditional meditation on the ride in to work, the ride itself can be calming and relaxing. I don't have to worry about traffic or driving or how expensive gas is getting. I just sit back and let someone else do the work. And, I get to take that hour and nap, read, enjoy my coffee, whatever it is.

Now if they'd just let me bring some incense on the bus, I'd be set!

I'm going to leave you all with a thought from my Yoga instructor. He said that we have to strive to find our Truth and that one way of doing so is to think of ourselves and internally unfolding. He suggested visualizing a flower or, more creative and perhaps appropriate, a piece of Origami that is being unfolded from its shape to reveal a different beauty and structure.

Sorry for the delay.

I've been experiencing some technical mental difficulties.

Very stressful week and no amount of philosophy, psychology or indulgence can mitigate the effects. I am officially toast after all of the crazy.

I'll be returning to a more normal state once I can start parsing through some of these escapades. It's brought up some interesting things for me to mull over including but not limited to: time-management, my definition of trust and value as well as the tendency to feel resentment or frustration or pure hatred when it feels like you are consistantly getting screwed over by the Cosmos at large.

Anyway-I'm going to stop here before this blog turns into something that I detest-a dumping ground for ranting, raving and generally otherwise unproductive discussion.

Instead, I'll leave you all with this beautiful song: Karunesh

It's seven minutes of calm and beautiful music. I would recommend putting it on and then doing something that will allow you to just soak in the music and the rhythm.

Namaste. (c:

Another post on Resistance

I am currently stuck somewhere between "I don't wanna" and "I should" do what I need to do. It's an interesting form of resistance--I'm not confronting any major changes or having anything particularly intense or different demanded of me. No, what I'm resisting and fighting against is the urge for COMFORT.

Blame it on the weather-one day it's hot, one day it's cold, one day it's raining, one day it's...who knows what...but all of it makes me crave a certain level of comfort.

I find myself really wanting the savory sensation of eating warm, heavily spiced, hearty meals. I want cafe lattes and soy mochas that are piping hot and indulgent. I want to wear clothes that register first and foremost as comfortable.

Comfort is usually associated with soothing, in my mind. But I don't know what could use soothing. I am not hurt, sick or lonely. I'm not particularly overwhelmed. And yet, everything I do seems to be motivated by the desire to be comfortable, to relax, to not have to work as hard, all of these things.

I'm worried (there's that fear again) that this is going to become a trend. That I am going to slip further and further away from what I value--hard work, determination, innovation, experimentation, living in the now, all of those things that require you to be a little bit tough, a little bit stubborn and ok with living with things being not so comfortable or not so easy so you can make a difference.

Today is a good example of this: my car is broken down for the umpteenth time. So, yesterday I took the bus into work and rode my bike the 20 miles home. It was windy and cold and rainy but I did it. I did pretty well too.

Now, I'm an experienced cyclist so 20 miles isn't that big of a deal but the weather is definitely a force multiplier. It made it harder to motivate myself to get on the bike and get home instead of just taking a co-worker up on his offer to give me a ride home.

I'm confronted with a similar situation today. I took the bus in and I'm going to be riding home--assuming that I don't cave and call my friend to come get me. It's not raining today but it's cold out there and I just don't feel like doing it.

Should I ride home and save the carbon emissions? Yes. Will there be benefits? You betcha. It's great exercise, it's enjoyable, especially in certain areas and it's not a bad way to end the day.

But--I'm dealing with a lot of buts on this one. I have things that I'd like to do tonight and riding home takes a big chunk out of my evening. I am also feeling a little bit run down from my other exercise activities and frankly, I don't want to do it.

And thus the mental battle begins. Life isn't supposed to be easy, if you really think about it. We don't learn anything about our boundaries, our capabilities, anything if we don't push ourselves. Especially when we're whiny. If I were actually sick it would be one thing. But I'm not.

I know that unless it's really actually too cold out there to ride that I'm going to feel like a wimp or like I've let myself and other people down. Like I'm not good enough. Or whatever the sensation is--except that in my journey towards being more mindful and conscious I've been trying to digest the lessons of Tolerance, Gentleness, Patience.

But how much tolerance, gentleness and patience is too much? Where is the boundary drawn between doing what you should do and making yourself stronger and lacking mental fortitude and giving into laziness.

I don't know the answer to this question but I do know that I want to arrive at an answer or a compromise that will get me home safe and sound and will not result in any feelings, warrented or not, of guilt or inadequacy.

I'm trying to take it one moment at a time. The answer should be clear enough when I get outside.

It all just seems like an interesting parallel and a reoccurring theme in my life--the struggle between loving myself and nurturing myself and truly, truly listening to my body and what it needs and taking the easy way out.

There has to be a good solution out there and I feel like it has to start from within. I feel that it stems from being 100% confident in your decision-I have to erradicate guilt and feelings of self-worth from my playing field and really consider what I'm up against and what I'm not.

It's hard to accomplish this while I'm at work, but here goes!

Just a quick share of a great article

I really enjoy Sally Kempton's articles and I wanted to repost this one. I feel like it's really timely given my latest ramblings.

Accepting Resistance

Might be more from the vaults later-busy day!